Heart and Soul
by Nefarioussaiyajin
Summary: Goku has fused with the Dragonballs and gone to heaven but there is one person who can't let him go. Set in the GT timeline. Its been years since Goku's death and the only one not taking it well is Vegeta. GkVg TrGt. Read and review.


Chapter One: Gone

Heart and Soul

This is after the GT Saga when Goku fuses with the Dragonballs and goes to heaven. I UPDATED AND EDITED THIS! FOR ALL PAST INTENTS AND PURPOSES, THIS WAS HORRIBLE CRAP! I never knew I was that inexperienced of a writer back then. I took one look at this and was mortified. At first, I didn't believe I wrote this, but I did sadly. There were so many grammatical errors, thought I don't know how they got there. But I'm back and doing some serious editing. Review at your own leisure, they would be nice to tell me if I've gotten better. I've combined chapters one and two to form the new chapter one. So now the chapters will be twice as long and I am working on some more currently. I know it's been a while, but I've been busy with other things, and this story has been rotting away with a lot of others in my notebooks for years. So I decided to update them because I ran into writers block on something else I'm working on. The plot is relatively the same and the story line is extended a lot so don't be alarmed, like "Where did that come from?" I am doing some reconstruction of my stories and am building them up as fast as I go. I recently uploaded a Goku/Gohan fic that was written by a unregistered friend of mine, I didn't give her credit for it initially because I wanted to get reviews for it. But there were none so she had me remove it. I took it down because she wanted to put it on When I did, it was banned. So much for that. I told her that I would modify the story for her and re-upload it. So look out for that too. Anyhow, on to the story, I hope my writing style has changed a bit. I have been writing different things over the past two years so I hope I've gotten better. I look forward to the critiques, good or bad.

Goku was gone. Again. He was always running off to somewhere for some reason, like it was natural to leave his family and friends. Of course, it wasn't but this time it was for good. There was no use in beating around that bush, it was more than obvious that this was the last time anyone would ever see him again. Not Chichi, not Bulma, not Krillin, and Gohan or Goten.

Not Vegeta…

Vegeta of all people was the one that took it the worst. He didn't train, he didn't eat, and he didn't sleep. Since Goku left he had opted to settle with Bulma. But it wasn't that simple, she always cried for him reminding the prince that the only thing he had to live for was gone. He would often leave their bed in disgust at himself.

He didn't love her like he should have and he knew she deserved better as did she. He didn't sleep in bed with her anymore, not out of grief, but out of self loathing, he just slept in the wild in a tree. He figured the forests still quietness would give him all the comfort he needed. But there was never comfort where it counted, where he needed it the most: His heart. There was something bothering him that wouldn't leave him alone unless he got to the route of the problem, but denial seemed like the best idea. After all, what other choice did he have?

And it shook him to the core when the Son brats would 'visit' him, bearing food and fresh clothing. Just looking at the youngest Son, Goten's face was enough to make Vegeta want to pummel the young boy until he was satisfied with himself.

He had long since accepted that Goku was more powerful than he. That fact didn't bother him as much as it should have and it was ok. There was no reason to train, no one to defeat. So he just lived idly, waiting for something to take him away, something worth doing. Sitting in the boring tree all day was not exactly exhilarating. Peaceful, but boring.

"Vegeta-san, we bought some food and some clothes and…."

Vegeta didn't even look up. "Leave."

Gohan smiled. "Oh come on Vegeta we're just tryna'---"

"I said leave, go now"

Goten sighed and put the food and clothing in an old birds nest and he and his brother flew off. Vegeta glanced at the stuff and jumped down. He picked up the clothing and almost smiled when he noticed that it was a dark blue spandex outfit. Bulma knew something was wrong and was attempting to help out.

Maybe she understood?

It wasn't a far jump from her intelligence, she was after all the smartest woman on the planet as far as he knew and she understood human feelings the most but unfortunately she didn't understand him, not like Goku did. His family didn't offer much comfort. The only thing that kept him with them was his daughter, Bra (Bura/Bulla). She was his little princess and he loved that she was witty, smart, and beautiful; the things that made him fall for her mother Bulma.

But she was not enough to make him live for, she was just merely there for the moment until she too expired at the hands of fate or whatever happened to humans when they die. Bulma was practically nearing deaths door at the age of 73. She was old and did not have much time left on Earth, so it was just a matter of waiting until she was gone. He really should have been spending more time with her, but they both knew that it wasn't what he wanted. He had not been happy with her for a long time, though the attachment was still there, he only cared for her. But his heart was not in the same place hers was, it was descending into a cloud of emotional darkness with the passing decades.

He laughed at the irony of it. He could never have anything; everything he had was either wasted or taken away from him. Maybe because he was a ruthless killer? No, a lot had changed over the last 27 years since Goku left his family, his friends, and his last Saiyan companion.

Dare he say friend?

Yes Goku was his friend whether the younger Saiyan knew it or not. That was the thing about Goku, he bought out the best and worst of people, happiness, hate, love, confusion, and he always naturally made Vegeta feel self conscious. Proving his worth had been a constant challenge for Vegeta, even if his 'friend' never knew that that was all he ever wanted to do. When he risked his life in the fight with Cell, Vegeta suddenly felt as if everything he had worked for had been ripped away and torn to pieces.

Gohan, Trunks and Mirai (Future Trunks) were among some of the things that kept him fighting, that and a strong feeling that Goku was going to come back, and he had, but Vegeta had forged a family and there was the whole settling down thing he promised to do...

But this time around he wasn't so sure and Goku said he wasn't coming back. His wife, Chichi had died two weeks after him from a heart attack. Her time was nearing but she died prematurely from grief. Vegeta could only imagine how Gohan and Goten felt. But Goku didn't love Chichi; he only stayed with her for the sake of their children. Chichi didn't know that and he would have much rather kept it that way.

Bulma was hanging on well enough at the age of 73 and got around fairly. It was only a matter of time until she went too, a year. In fact, she had wished that Shenron tell her this. She was so smart, careful even, and she just wanted to spend her last year with her family. It made him feel so faithless, it made him want to go home and tell her he loved her. But he couldn't because he didn't. He knew that Goku's death had hurt her too seeing as they were best friends and he wanted to comfort her. But, she needed someone worthy, someone who she could count on and that someone wasn't him.

"I really should go see her" He muttered to himself. But he would feel like he was cheating her, tricking her of everything she had left. It wasn't fair but he would be with her then as he always had to make her happy.

There were two questions that plagued him, What if she still loved him? What if she told him this? She would expect an answer and he couldn't give her one because he didn't love her anymore. He shook his head and jumped down from the tree.

"Vegeta"

He spun around to face Gohan.

"What do you want boy?"

Gohan frowned. "Vegeta, I'm 49 years old."

"So, what is it that you want then?"

"Are you going home?"

"I don't know, am I?" Gohan threw his hands in the air in frustration. Vegeta had been giving him smart-ass remark for the past year and a half. Like Goku, he was very temperamental and impatient.

"Damnit Vegeta, I'm sick of these half-assed answers I just want to help so just answer yes or…." He was cut off as a fist sailed into his jaw, knocking him into a nearby tree.

"Don't you EVER tell me what to do I'm not your child"

Gohan got up slowly and rubbed his jaw.

"Hn, so you want to fight me?"

Vegeta laughed. "I didn't come here for that, but if you insist" Gohan rushed at him and attempted to punch him but Vegeta caught his fist. He swung again and he caught the other one easily.

"Let go of me, Vegeta" Vegeta stared at him. He saw Goku.

Not him, but the resemblance was as clear as day. Vegeta gasped. Damn him! He looked too much like Kakarot. He let Gohan go quickly and took off. Gohan stood there pissed and confused. "What just happened?"

Shrugging it off, he headed back the way he came. Something wasn't right about Vegeta but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what. Since his father had crossed into the next dimension, the short Saiyan had been acting rather bastardly lately.

'_He hasn't had a good fight in a while, I can't give him one because I gave up training ages ago. I want to help him but every time I try, he pulls away. We never used to have that problem before. He never really liked me all that much but I would think that he had changed. He still acts less than decent to Goten and I. Why is that?' _

_He's lonesome without my father. It could be the whole last full-blooded Saiyan left thing, but it's something else. I thought Vegeta got passed that rivalry they had. I could swear it were almost like they were friends, but Dad never said it that way.'_

Gohan decided not to fly home this time. He would walk. It was a long way but he could really use the time to think about Vegeta and his father. There was definitely a connection with the way Vegeta was acting as of late and Goku's departure from the realm of the living. Maybe that was his way of grieving, although it was not the best way to say the least. It didn't look like it was working for him.

Vegeta was only mildly surprised when he found himself at his and Goku's old training grounds. There were craters of all sizes, broken cliffs, large body indentations in the ground and walls of cliffs and large cracks that split the earth due to their enormous power. He sucked his teeth and took a seat on the floor. This wasn't right, but he couldn't help coming here, it was his own personal place. There was no place he would rather have been at the time.

That brat wouldn't leave him alone! What did he want with him, he had nothing to give him and he damn sure was not about to act like a sappy human and let him help.

Help, yeah right, more like pester.

For whatever reason, they boy had never followed him here. He was every where the prince was but he never came here.

'_I should come here more often' _

Really, he found the place to be horribly haunting, ever space a reminder of the spars the two Saiyans had. This was like sacred ground, only touched by them alone. If a human ever landed foot on it Vegeta would not stand for it.

It wasn't somewhere anyone (Z Fighters) couldn't find him but it did well to help him think, even though the only thing he thought about was Goku. How could he not, the man was NEVER coming back. It was all Vegeta could feel, he could let out any emotion he wanted and no one would see him. No one would care. The one he wanted to care the most obviously did not. He left him, he couldn't have possibly cared any less. And it didn't help that this was the place they came to vent frustration, talk, or meditate.

They actually talked from time to time, and sometimes the conversations were interesting. He was positive that nobody talked to the man they called Goku as Vegeta did. Then they would know just what kind of person he really was. All of the traits they saw in him and more. So much more.

Meditation helped keep their minds off of a lot of things but Vegeta's mind never strayed much farther than the situation at hand. He would think of nothing else but the person in front of him and his present situation. Some of the time, Vegeta didn't meditate. He watched Goku. Did Goku know how he felt about him? It was obvious that the older man didn't know because if he did he wouldn't have left.

Would he?

Had he felt the same way and left because he didn't know how Vegeta would react. Reject him?

'_Please!' _Vegeta scoffed mentally. That was a load of shit and he knew it. Kakarot never cared about his feelings for him, but he always asked about Bulma and how he felt about her. Asking him questions like, if he still loved her and such. Vegeta didn't answer, just telling the pale, tall Saiyan to shut his mouth and mind his own business and worry about his own woman. He never wanted to admit that he wanted to answer them just to see what Kakarot would say.

He didn't love her, no. Not because she was not worth his love but because he was not worth hers. A love too pure to be taken for granted. Thus, he left her bed and she left his heart. At one general point in their relationship he had felt something for her akin to love, but he didn't know what love was until it was too late. The years were going by so quickly, and she aged so fast, it made him feel guilty because he did not age as rapidly.

Humans were to disposable, part of the reason he had broken it off with her, he would feel indifferent when she was gone. It would just be another one he cared for taken away from him, nothing out of the ordinary.

But he never thought that Kakarot would leave him of all people. He had something to live for, people that lived for him, but it seemed like in the end it was not enough. Perhaps he was afraid that his human friends and family did not have long to live and awaited them on the other side.

But what about Vegeta, it would be years before he would cross over and suicide was not an option. In the upcoming centuries end, Vegeta would have his admittance into heaven and he didn't want to blow the chance to see his rival again in eternal bliss. Everyone of Kakarot's friends would see him decades before Vegeta did, it was not fair. The closest to go was Bulma. She seemed relatively happy despite that she was going to die in a matter of months, she would see him before he himself would.

Poor Bulma, he loved her once but, he had had feelings for Goku far before her, far before he even knew it himself. But even if Kakarot was alive, he wouldn't understand, not that Vegeta would have ever told him, but if he knew that Kakarot would be gone forever he might have considered telling him. He would have told him sooner but his fear of rejection and Chichi had held him back. He didn't want to hurt her if he didn't have to.

Even if he wasn't competition for her undying love.

What really bothered him the most was that he would be alone soon. Bulma would die and his children would move on with their lives, soon to leave him.

And no matter how harsh the reality, he could never resort to suicide. Suicide was for pansies and he was no pansy. It would be hard living all those years alone, but he had no choice.

At the age of 74 he had half a century left to live thanks to his Saiyan genes. But he didn't know if he could hold on that long. Maybe he would see the other Saiyan again, and if Vegeta committed suicide he would go straight to hell. He would wait the 50 years to die if it meant seeing Goku again.

Suddenly, Vegeta's head snapped to the right. There was a weak Ki approaching him at a slow speed. He knew that Ki, it was…..

"Oh Vegeta, Vegeta why are you here?" It wasn't that surprising. Bulma knew that he came here on an almost daily basis. She was the only human that could come here, with his permission of course. "I figured you'd be here again, we need to talk…."

"I know, Bulma"

She put the hover car in a capsule and planted herself beside him. It took her a while but she finally settle with a weary grunt. When she sat down, Vegeta rose up and stood a few feet away.

"I'm on a tight schedule as it is…haha… so I'll just say this out right and fast, no discrepancies. Listen Vegeta I know that Goku dieing has been hard and I also know how you feel about him."

Vegeta was silent.

"It's okay, you don't have to hide that you don't love me anymore and I'll admit that I was hurt when I realized it but I'll manage. Besides I've only got 12 months left until the day I go and…"

"Yes, yes, I thought you would realize, you know me better than anyone on this planet. And I am sorry that I did not tell you but I'm glad you know, it's not easy to tell someone you've been with for 21 years something like this so I kept to myself. I didn't want to be there when you were hurt because I was afraid that I had done something so bad and I didn't deserve to be with you" Bulma stared down at the ground.

"How long?"

"What?"

"Goku, me"

Vegeta started to pace back and for as if he were nervous. How to say…

"Well I stopped loving you many years ago, I will say, about 7 years ago, and Kakarott, I've… uhh… felt this way since I met him."

"Really, then what was I?"

Vegeta sat down again. "You, I knew that what I felt wasn't right so I went on and fell for you it's not like I used you for rebound, I just gave up. But make no mistake I really did love you but…" Bulma sniffled. Tears were streaming down her face and she had her chin resting in her shoulder. Vegeta always regretted making her cry.

"I understand, will you come home?"

Vegeta stared down at her wide eyed."Home?"

Bulma laughed through her tears. "Yes Vegeta, home, you live there and it's your house too. You're still my husband. Remember the vow we made was Till Death Do Us Part and well….." He walked over and pulled her into his arms. "Thank You Bulma, you are kind and I'll always care for you and yes I suppose you are still my wife."

"I'll always love you Vegeta even if you don't feel the same anymore it's far to late to dwell on it but you know I'll always have my memories" Vegeta silently replied by hugging her tighter as sobs racked her tiny body.

"I'm sorry for making you cry Bulma it will never happen again I promise" She smiled into his shoulder.

"Oh, it will Vegeta. It always will. I will cry hundreds of times more. I will cry for you and because of you. I will cry for Goku and because of Goku. I won't stop crying for the rest of my life. You understand, don't you? I never could help the way I felt."

"Mom is he coming?"

Vegeta turned to see his son Trunks standing near a rock close by. He let go of Bulma and walked towards him.

Trunks tried to look indifferent and uncaring at his father as he approached him but one look into his unguarded eyes and that was it. He walked into Vegeta's arms and hugged him, trying hard not to lift him from the ground. It had been too long. Vegeta wrapped one arm around him.

"Dad, we missed you so much and there's so much I need to tell you."

"You can tell me when we get home"

They heard a loud boom and watched Bulma hop in the hover car. "Let's go home boys and have some lunch because I'm starving" Vegeta's stomach loudly, it certainly agreed. Trunks and Bulma laughed. They went in the car and Trunks insisted that he drive. (He's 40.)

"I'll drive you two catch up. Dad and I will catch up when he has time."

They arrived home a half an hour later. Bulma went to the kitchen to make some lunch.

"Dad there's some things I need to tell you, uh, let's sit"

Vegeta sat down and looked up at Trunks who decided he didn't want to sit.

"Well it's about Goten-"

"Did that little bastard hurt you or something?"

"No dad, he's not a bastard. I…Goten and I are in love and we've been living together for the past year and were thinking about adopting a little baby girl so we could have a real family. I didn't tell Mom but I thought I should tell you first. I would have told you sooner but I didn't see you" Trunks, who was looking at the floor, finally looked up at Vegeta to see that he didn't look in the least surprised in fact he looked like…like he knew this was coming.

"Dad?"

"Are you okay, I mean with all of this, because if you aren't then that's too bad because I love Goten and there's nothing anyone can do about it" Vegeta got up and pulled Trunks into a hug. Trunks was surprised by this gesture and hesitantly reciprocated.

"I'm proud of you son, proud that you would not only tell me first, but you have pride and you're making something of yourself and Goten is a perfect choice there is no one that I would rather have with my son than him." It was true. If not a Saiyan, then who else?

"Thank you Dad. Thank you for understanding. In all honesty, I thought you were gonna blow up and disown me in a heartbeat. But you didn't and it means the world to me."

Bulma stood by the doorway watching her son and husband embrace, with a warm smile. This as the ways things should be. "I'll support you two on your decision no matter what Trunks" Trunks gasped and stared at his mother. He didn't see her enter the room.

"Oh, Mom how long have you been standing there?" Bulma walked over to them and hugged him. Wow he'd been getting hugged all day.

"I heard all I needed to hear and I don't have a problem with it at all" She wanted to add that she would look a bit hypocritical but she didn't want upset her husband.

Vegeta spoke up, "So where is Goten?" "He's at work and he's coming over for dinner tonight with the rest of the gang if that's alright with you" Bulma slapped his arms, "Of course it's all right. It'll always be alright. Besides, I can't wait to see how handsome he's gotten" Vegeta nodded and went into the kitchen. "I hope lunch is ready because I'm sure no one wants a dead father or husband" Bulma giggled. "But of course my king." Vegeta raised an eyebrow at her words.

"King?"

"Yeah, you see, Trunks here, is the Prince and you are the King and Bra is the Princess of all Saiyans." "And you are the Queen" Vegeta smiled, watching her face light up. That's where Bra got her ability to make him smile from.

"Well Mom, Dad, I'm going to get to work so I'll see you guys later"

Vegeta sat down at the table and watched his son's back as he left. Trunks had quite a lifespan himself and it would be nice that Goten would be with him to share it. It did make him feel kind of jealous but he had come to terms with the fact that he would never be truly happy. It was just too much too ask of anyone, most of all Kakarot, to ask for a little bit of their happiness. Just to know what it felt like. They did not believe that he had the ability to be wholeheartedly satisfied with anything.

Now they were right, nothing would ever make him truly happy again. But if he could work things out with Bulma he could make sure that at least she was happy even if he was faking it, he knew she would take him as he was. It was not much to give her what she wanted, because she never wanted too much. It wouldn't be easy, that door closed behind them years ago and it would never be opened again. As much as he wanted to believe it Vegeta knew that she would force herself to be content with him, because she would have to work that much harder for him to be comfortable around her.

"Are you going to eat or are you thinking about him?" Bulma watched him. She didn't look hurt but he knew her long enough to tell that she was holding her emotions back.

"Of all the people I ever conceived could take my husband away from me and not even know it, it would be him. He just…he could do that." She smiled sadly.

Vegeta could say nothing to make her feel better, it was pointless now. "I was not thinking of him, I was actually thinking of you" Sipping at her soup, Bulma's smile got wider.

"You would be! Ha, I wish you were thinking about me in the way you think about him, but I know you're thinking about what I don't mean to you anymore." "I never said that. I may not have been thinking about it that way but I happen to have the ability to think of things other than him." Bulma held an old wrinkled hand up in her defense.

"I was only kidding about it. I know you think about me. Who wouldn't, I'm irresistible!" Vegeta had to laugh at that one. That woman, she was funny that was for sure!

"I knew that would make you crack. Now then, we could eat our food now. Unless you want me to tell you how many men want me." She flipped her graying hair over her shoulders and stuck her nose in the air haughtily. He tried to stop laughing but every time he looked at her he laughed harder. Bulma was smiling at the other end of the table into her soup bowl.

She always could make him laugh, he always looked so evil when he laughed, but after all the years that passed his features softened and made his smile look more genuine. They ate the rest of their lunch in silence, every once in a while Vegeta would snatch some bread from the middle of the table, making Bulma giggle.

"You think you're sneaky, huh? Well there's one more bread left and---

She didn't finish her sentence to throw him off guard and grabbed the bread from the basket as fast as she could. She still had dexterous hands from a lifetime of building things and was fast with her arms.

"What? Well aren't you the quick one?" He smirked, as she stuffed the bread in her mouth giving him a victorious look. She cocked her head to the side and smiled.

Swallowing the bread, she said "Is there something else you want?" "No, thank you, I have nowhere to be right now. I'll go to my room."

Bulma's head dropped. "Would it be too much to ask if you…just slept in the same bed as me once more. Even if you don't feel that way. Please."

He gave in. It was a small favor to her, it couldn't hurt. If she didn't try anything that would hurt herself then it would be fine with him.

"Tonight."

"You promise?" For a minute he was silent. He could promise, but he had to think about it. "Yes, but don't…you know" She nodded and stood up. "Then I have a meeting to go to with Trunks, I'll see you later."

A few hours had passed and Vegeta was sitting at the table with his head in his arms, thinking. Obviously about his Saiyan counterpart. He would do almost anything to see him again. It was only getting worse before it ever got better and it would not change.

Things had not been looking up at all and the feelings were getting stronger. It was now a near impossibility that he would just forget about it after a while. But these emotions weren't going anywhere. They would haunt him for the rest of his life and beyond.

'_I should hate you, I want to hate you but it would be a lie and I'd only be hurting myself. I don't need to do that. You've hurt me enough. You'll probably never know how I feel. You are a fool, you are the most loving fool I've ever known. But you're so oblivious it's almost a shame. You always could see through your friends but you didn't look where it counted. But then again, I would be the least likely person you'd ever see show that kind of emotion. It was there though, when you didn't know it, it was there. I wish you knew, just so I could understand. You're gone, I know I won't forget you in the next 50 years but why can't you just…' _

The room was quite, and he would have much rather have been outside in the wilderness, but he told her he would not leave.

"She's not here." He said to himself. _'Maybe for an hour or two…' _

Looking at the clock, he was startled to see that almost two hours had passed since he sat down. It wouldn't be long before his son returned with her. He couldn't leave now although he desperately wanted to.

He sighed and settled back into the chair, burying his head deeper in to his arms. It took all of his willpower not to cry, but he knew he looked so pitiful, and he didn't want them to see him this way.

He didn't want them to know that even if he wasn't dying on the outside, he was dying on the inside.

He had hung on for so long, and he was slowly slipping into the mindset of a person with nothing to live for. Bulma was another story, she was going to die in a few months and then what would he have? Trunks? Trunks was in love and it wouldn't take long for him to forget Vegeta existed once his mother was gone. Or Vegeta hoped he would, then he wouldn't feel so selfish for putting his feelings for his long time rival before his own family.

He was selfish though, he knew. But Kakarot didn't and if he did, he didn't care. That bastard didn't care who he left behind, or what people had to go through to cope with it. That bastard.

How could he? Why? So many questions danced in Vegeta's mind and he could only come to one conclusion: Kakarot simply didn't care. To Vegeta, that was a stab wound in the heart that time would never heal, but to everyone else, they had accepted that their friend, father, husband, and uncle, was gone. But he hadn't and he knew that at the extent of his emotion, he never would.


End file.
